Denied #4, 5,6, 7, and 8

NYU (first choice)

Stanford

USC

Pomona

Washington and Lee

Well that ends the waiting, since there are no more schools that haven't yet responded. Out of 11 Schools, I only got into three. UC Davis, UC Santa Barbara, and Cal State Northridge ( none of which were schools I actually wanted to go to). I'm so disappointed and so upset that I can't even think straight. I'm on the verge of a breakdown but the only thing preventing me from full-on depression is the notion that feeling sorry for myself won't change any of these school's minds and asking the question "why" isn't really gonna do anything to help me. I just can't help but think about all the shit I've gone through these past 4 years in high school, and all the years before hand trying to prepare for high school. All the stress, all the pushing go get that "A", all the advanced courses, all the summer preparation programs, all the extracurricular shit I did that I could care less about, all that crap that now seems to be all for nothing. Sure, I still needed those things to get into the 3 colleges that I got into, but by not getting into any "good" schools still makes all that effort seem useless. I know that getting denied by people from a college that hardly even know me doesn't mean that I'm not good enough and I know that the knowledge that I still gained through all my effort in high school can never be taken away from me...but still there is this feeling of low self esteem that is unshakeable at this point. My self worth has never been tested so extensively until now, and the weight of failure is pressing downward quite heavily. I just had to spill my thoughts out, because it's no good to hold all these feelings inside, and telling them to another person that doesn't know nor truly cares about your situation isn't sufficient either. When I was younger, and the thought of college was still fresh in my mind, it felt like the possibilities were endless, but now I know exactly where they end, they end with me getting rejected by 8 out of 11 schools. What a way to start a new chapter of my life...