Denied #4, 5,6, 7, and 8

NYU (first choice)

Stanford

USC

Pomona

Washington and Lee

Well that ends the waiting, since there are no more schools that haven't yet responded. Out of 11 Schools, I only got into three. UC Davis, UC Santa Barbara, and Cal State Northridge ( none of which were schools I actually wanted to go to). I'm so disappointed and so upset that I can't even think straight. I'm on the verge of a breakdown but the only thing preventing me from full-on depression is the notion that feeling sorry for myself won't change any of these school's minds and asking the question "why" isn't really gonna do anything to help me. I just can't help but think about all the shit I've gone through these past 4 years in high school, and all the years before hand trying to prepare for high school. All the stress, all the pushing go get that "A", all the advanced courses, all the summer preparation programs, all the extracurricular shit I did that I could care less about, all that crap that now seems to be all for nothing. Sure, I still needed those things to get into the 3 colleges that I got into, but by not getting into any "good" schools still makes all that effort seem useless. I know that getting denied by people from a college that hardly even know me doesn't mean that I'm not good enough and I know that the knowledge that I still gained through all my effort in high school can never be taken away from me...but still there is this feeling of low self esteem that is unshakeable at this point. My self worth has never been tested so extensively until now, and the weight of failure is pressing downward quite heavily. I just had to spill my thoughts out, because it's no good to hold all these feelings inside, and telling them to another person that doesn't know nor truly cares about your situation isn't sufficient either. When I was younger, and the thought of college was still fresh in my mind, it felt like the possibilities were endless, but now I know exactly where they end, they end with me getting rejected by 8 out of 11 schools. What a way to start a new chapter of my life...

Denied #3

UC Berkeley.

I guess it's all downhill from here. Depressed isn't even the word man... now it's
on to the private schools, my self esteem just plummeted.

Denied...again!

=/

Northwestern University (in Chicago) denied me. FUCCKKK! This isn't looking good dude. Plus they have a really good journalism school. Oh well, I still have a few schools to go... NYU, Stanford, Pomona, Washington & Lee, and Berkeley. So I won't let a little roadblock rain on my parade just yet. I'm ready to bounce back!

Pathetic Analysis!

LOL, meet Vanessa (the girl above). Her and I have established a rather interesting relationshoip over the past couple of months...interesting to say the least. We are both pretty odd, but that has only made out bond stronger...up until about yesterday when her oddity proved to be far greater than mine! She, for some reason, out of the fucking blue writes me on myspace and calls me a WOMANIZER and says she hates me! Lmfao, it's by no means funny, but seeing as though I have no clue as to why she feels this way, my only reaction can only be to take this as pretty damn hilarious. We really don't know any of the same people, besides about two, so where is she getting this information from? What are her sources? I've come to think it's my myspace comments...she presumably scanned through and seen the various girls I talk to on myspace. Rather sad how you can't tell the difference between a myspace conversation and the actual act of womanizing. Hmmmm, internet girlfriends? Even worse... internet sex? Soooooo not me! LOL... so yeah I'm writing this as a means to demonstrate how perplexing all this sudden crap really is. All in all, I'm still very attracted to her....It's so much about her I've yet to uncover, especially the reasons behind why she does weird shit like this...It's rather attractive in my own awkward mind lol. Hmmm, I just hope I get answers, and I hope time permits so that she can see I'm not a sterotype as far as typical guys are concerned. It all starts with her finding out who she really is however, something tells me she struggles with that. Anyways, thats a different subject, but nevertheless...this shit is one of a kind!

Oh yeah, HAPPY EASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sadie Hawkins aftermath

So yeah, last night...well since it's 1 in the morning... two nights ago was Lynwood's Sadies. I must admit that day I was rather pumped up for the night, and after getting dressed and looking into the mirror...oh yeah, I knew what time it was! In other words, I was rather fresh. Lol, anyways when me and Tj arrived there I was a little upset, because Cerritos High was also there and they had the spot in Knotts that we had last year (the good spot). I thought this was going to be our spot again, but I guess I was wrong! Damn bastards! The portion of Knotts that we had barely had any rollercoasters, just the lame ones like Jaguar and all those little small rides which weren't that plentiful either. Plus unlike last year the dance floor wasn't indoors, there was this little stupid spot and it caused me not to get my boogy on the whole night lol. I just chilled on the rides and shit with my friends, most of which I hadn't seen in a while. All in all, the night at Knotts was rather fun, filled with laughs and cold ass air hitting my face on the rides LOL. Oh yeah, I also made a new friend that night. She's so fucking gorgeous. I already knew of her, but never officially met her until that night. Well, I wouldn't really even call her a "new friend" now that I think of it, because something tells me our relationship won't get passed what it was that night. We probably will never speak again, even though I gave her my screename. *Sigh*, what was I even thinking... she wouldn't want to be bothered with a guy like me...those 15 minutes we talked were presumably just me being in the right place at the right time, now that place must forever remain in the past...but who knows.... gotta be optimistic right? WRONG!




Well anyways, after Sadies almost everybody went to Denny's for a little after-gathering. LOL it was soooo packed that by the time we ( the poeple I rode with) got there, they said they weren't serving anyone else so the people that didn't get served left to another Denny's. So, we get there and sit down for about 30 minutes and didn't even get any fucking menus! Most horrible service ever! So we left and went to Norms. Yes, three damn places in one night, and then we get there and still had to wait like an hour before we got our food. LOL, it was like a horror movie as far as food was conerned that night. In the end though, as i got home and jumped in my bed, I revisted the night in its entirety and felt at ease with it all... realizing how good laughing all night really is. I also couldn't help but think about that new friend, who I would rather leave nameless so that perhaps I could soon forget about her...it serves no use to imagine a reality that will never exists with both of us in the same mode as we were on that night. I know I know, I'm analyzing te situation too much right? This is nothing new to me and it often affects my relationships with people. If I can just learn to balance it, perhaps one day I can meet someone that actually understands me for who I am... whatever I am.

Denied! =(

It hurts even when you thought you didn't care. Well I received my first denial and it was from UCLA. I guess I can scratch that off my list lol. It was't one of my top choices, but out of all the UC schools, UCLA would probably be the one I wanted to go to if I had to chose between them. Ah, oh well, like I said, I hate denial but this is just one of the many negativities of always being used to things going your way. I'm still fired up though, I'm anticipating what school I'll hear from next! Until then...

R.I.P UCLA

Accepted part 2!

Well I recently found out that I'm addmitted to UC Santa Barbara. Wow, I haven't been denied from anywhere yet, but I've only heard from "easy" schools and I should be hearing from my top choices with their decisions within the next few weeks. I'll keep you posted (whoever "you" are lol), I'm sure that first denial is coming...inevitable right? Gosh I'm so tough on myself lol, wish for the best Isaiah...damn! =)

Junkfood for Dinner

Lmao. I just had to post this because it is like the most RANDOM picture ever. When do you ever see Kanye and Lindsay in China at a fastfood restaurant taking a picture? Lmao, wow..instant classic. Well, peace bitches!

Accepted!

Well I found out today that i was accepted to UC Davis.

WOOOOOT!

LOL, I am happy, but seeing as though this is not one of my top choices, the accomplishment doesn't have as much flavor. I will hear from my remaining 10 schools I applied to within the next couple of weeks. Ahhhh pray for me! LOL, atleast I haven't been denied yet =).

Pass me my Cargo shorts!

Ahhhh Spring!

Doesn't compare to summer, but Spring is definately the next best thing. The beachy weather, mini-skirts, and bikinis are definately postitives, but it's Spring Break itself that makes it all the more worth while. School has been kicking my ass lately! I made perfect grades, but the effort has really taken its toll. I'm like stupidddd tired and with this daylight savings bullshit I'm a total wreck these days LOL, so I need this time to just chill! I also need to really make some "friend time" during this off-session as well. I haven't been the Isaiah that everyone loves, and furthermore I haven't seen some of my close dudes and chicks in a while either! Don't trip, Spring Break is soooo ours! Seeing faces I haven't seen in a while will be awesome, but there's someone I really am looking forward to seeing. It's been even longer since I seen her, but our connection redefines all rules of time. Her name? Naw, too easy...let's let some minds wonder/wander. I just hope this perfection that I have constructed in my head will actually become a reality, since this is...in essence...the last REAL spring break I will have in this ending chapter of my life. If only I knew the name of the novel...still searching.

The "Metrosexual"

I've always heard the term before, but never really knew what it meant until yesterday and it made me do alot of thinking about myself LOL. My friend Marvin and Wikipedia says that a metrosexual is a heterosexual (straight) male that cares about their appearance more than the average dude, has a strong sense for style, loves being clean (neat freak), loves shopping, etc. Basically a "pretty boy" (I hate that damn word) or a non-gay dude that has attributes that may be associated with a gay dude or female to the untrained eye. Well anyone that knows me knows I lovvvvvveee fashion and that I hate spilling shit on myself, while some dudes wouldn't really care about getting dirty. I also watch shows like The Hills lol and most dudes would say thats "gay" ( simple minded fucks), but then there are an unmentiaonable amount of girls that can testify to my straightness ( if you know what I mean lol =x) and also there's the fact that I think about girls like 24/7...probably like most 17 year olds. I swear magic does exsit, it's the female body! Well yeah, after learning what this term meant, I began wondering if perhaps I fitted into the category and it appears that I do. I might not go as far as getting manicures and shit, that's going way too far for me lol, but I think overall I perhaps fit the mold of a metrosexual. To love chicks and wear tight jeans....Ahhh...what more can a dude ask for? =)

Losing My Mind?

Nothing. The exact word to describe what's going on right now. Haven't found anything worth putting on here for a while, well besides the awesome JSA Mini-Convention we had at our school today. Cool to get kids from the OC, Granada Hills High, Bevery Hills, Palmsprings, King Drew, etc. to come to our school (the place i often HATE). Our school looks good though so I'm not worried about the impressions, well besides for the graffitti LOL. Anyways, I'm just sitting here, my butt kind of hurts. Stupid seat. There's this weird man walking past the house, a dog is sniffing his shoes behind him...I wonder if he knows? Maybe it's his dog, maybe not. Hmmmmm. Ah, girls have been really lame these days. Everybody is getting boyfriends, and not in envy, but they seem to be pretty much lame dudes. Same ol' types, but hey thats what they like LOL. I still got some under my sleeve so I guess I'm ok on that note =). Prom? Who am I taking? Time to decide, along with the wardrobe. Lets think...